I want you to know

Morbid? Maybe. Weird? Probably? Necessary? Definitely? I have kept a diary since I was little girl, probably since the age of 5 or so. Why then should I be any different as a grown woman. especially when i have 3 beautiful children with so many questions for me and for the world. I have so many things that I want to teach each of you and so many things i want to share with you. I have so many memories that I want to keep alive. We are not promised tomorrow here on Earth. I want to give you today in every way that I can....So listen and learn. Some things will make a difference and some things wont. some things will touch your hearts and some things wont. I want each of you to remember that I love you with every part of my heart and soul. You are each more than i ever expected in a child...you are each extraordinary human beings that have brightened my world beyond anything I would have ever imagined. I am so proud of each of you. you are all so unique and different. each possessing your strengths and talents and weaknesses..lol And yes i did say weaknesses. and it is OK to have them. it is through our weaknesses that we learn the most and grow the most...so embrace them as well as your strengths.....(perhaps even more)

Boone, my first born. My son. You are such a beautiful and sensitive soul. You are always looking out for other people and sacrificing yourself....trusting in god to sustain you. as a christian that makes me so proud, but as a mother i want to yell and scream and tell you to stop being a door mat and start sticking up for yourself. you have a heart of gold. A Little on the temperamental side. Intelligent, hard working, anal retentive, (you got that honest) and clumsy. you are most definitely a people pleaser. I worry so much about you my sweet son. I have the utmost confidence in you, but it breaks my heart to watch you put such pressure on yourself. You like to laugh and have a good time, but your personality is one of such seriousness. I do feel like that is partly my fault. You were our first born and we were so particular with you. we were also selfish . we scarcely let you go anywhere. I read to you, walked with you, played classical music to you and done every imaginable learning friendly activity with you...as a result you were an early talker. extremely bright and articulate. You were a sight to see. you walked a little late (12 months)...but you talked like a grown person and you had this really deep raspy voice. it made for a cute but odd sight. you were this adorable bald little guy that couldn't walk or crawl, but you talked in complete sentences...and your voice was very distinguished. oh my gosh how cute you were. i love you so much Boone Pace. I see so much potential and talent in you. i am so grateful to be your mother.

Brock. Brockston Glenn Pace, my little Brockie Bear. My sweet cuddle bug. You always get underestimated as the sensitive one don't you? but i am your momma and i know better. I know just how much you love to have that snuggle time. you are understated, underestimated and totally and completely adorable. you are as smart as a whip and no one ever sees it coming. you follow in your older brothers foot steps to the point that I'm not sure if you know where he stops and you begin....I want more than anything for you to find that boundary little guy because you are so unique. when i look at you, you remind me of every thing i ever fell in love with about your daddy. everything that i adored about him is manifested in you little guy. you melt my heart. you always have and i think you always will. you are a fierce ball player, you hate school even though you do exceptionally well at it...(you are at the very top of your class by the way)....but it breaks my heart because you never feel adequate. I wish you could see yourself through Mommy' eyes. The surprising things about you is the amazing bond that was so immediate between you and your baby sister. everyone expected Boone to take her over, but it was you really....of course Allyssa loves her Boone, but from day one, She brought out a side of you that not everyone else knew you had...(except Momma knew you had it)


Allyssa Cate...my Catie girl. My beautiful ray of sunshine that brings so much joy to this home. How did we survive before you came into our life? your presence here has changed the dynamic of our home and our lives. you make lemonade out of lemons. that's the best way i can describe you. You have brought a side out of your brothers that I'm not sure they knew they had. you saved your daddy's life little sweet girl. you recreated the very heart that beats inside his chest....his soul has been made new...because he is your daddy. Words fail me when i try and describe you. you have a way about you that captivates other people. yo have a gift sweet girl and i am so very excited to have a front row seat to your life. I know in my heart that you are going to have a few obstacles that your brothers will not have in life, but i also know in my heart that you possess something inside of you that is stronger and more beautiful than anything that a hand could possess for you. I am amazed at you every day. i know that you will make us proud. Always strive to make good decisions...try and figure out why you are here...use your talents and strengths as God intends you to and the world will be at your feet...i know that in my soul.

I love you babies so very much......always and forever.