Monday, July 26, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Allyssa's Story
“ Allyssa’s Story”
Sometimes you just know that a person is destined for great things, even a little bitty person.
There’s just something that surrounds them, gentleness in some, a glow or radiance in others – some might call it an aura – whatever that,’ something’ is, Allyssa Pace sure has it.
I’ve known her mother, Christy, since she was a teenager, full of spunk - the epitome of GRITS, (that’s Girls Raised In The South, for the uninformed) and a true Southern beauty.
Allyssa Cate faces something that grown men – especially soldiers – have a hard time dealing with. The loss of a limb can be a devastating and life-changing event for them. For Allyssa, it’s a fact of life.
Christy and Brandon have two older sons, Boone and Brock, and they are probably the two most loving older brothers I’ve ever seen. They are attentive to their little sister, loving, protective, defensive and encouraging.
When Allyssa was born, Christy recalls the doctor approaching her bedside, telling her that something was wrong. “ That was the scariest moment of my life,” she said. The doctor went on to tell them that their baby’s arm didn’t develop. “ That was the first time I’d heard of an Amniotic Band. Those two little words have changed my life.”
How often have mother’s everywhere counted ten little toes and fingers…Christy counted only five fingers.
For a short time, Christy grieved her worldly ideas of what a daughter should be - then she came to realize that Allyssa was given to them exactly as God intended. “ I feel like I am part of something extraordinary because He chose me to be her momma. God will use my special child and other special children if we allow His spirit to move through us,” she said.
As Allyssa grows, her blonde curls and big blue eyes so angelic, and her personality so special and unique, the arm becomes less noticeable to those who know her. She literally bubbles
For this child, the world holds untold riches of the heart – people will single her out to be a role model for other children who are special, they will whisper words of encouragement and endearment in her ear - those words will give her confidence and strength.
But, in her life, there will be other words – carelessly flung by children who don’t realize their sting and the bitterness they carry. There will always be little girls who flash both arms out in front of her, making it a point to show her the difference, and little boys who will be curious and unaware that they are staring.
Kids say the darnedst, meanest, silliest, most obnoxious things, and there will be times when the barbs will be painful, will fill her with sorrow and make her cry.
Then again, there will be children who take their arms out of their sleeves so that they can all be more like Allyssa. There will be little boys who realize that she is kinder, sweeter and more patient than some of the rest… and someday, a prince will show up and claim her as his bride.
No, Allyssa’s life will not always be easy, there will be burdens sometimes, but it has already begun to build her character, her little eyes are wise beyond their years even at the age of three.
She will be the stuff that people like Princess Diana, Mother Theresa and Helen Keller were made of – strong, confident, and ready to take on the world.
How do I know this? Well, for one thing, I know her momma. Christy says that if God were to say to her today, “ Christy, I have this one little girl, she’s beautiful, smart, perfect, and all the children will follow her because of her wit and her charm… but she is totally lacking in compassion, her heart is self-absorbed and it will be very difficult for her to understand the struggles of others less fortunate. And I have this other little girl … she looks a little different, the world won’t always think she’s beautiful, she will have a temper like a wildcat but the heart of a servant. She will have the gift of compassion and hospitality - she won’t always finish first, but her heart will be full of sensitivity. Which one do you want? My answer is that no matter what the future brings, I will choose Allyssa every time.”
“ Sometimes I have to close my bedroom door, get down on my knees and cry and pray,” Christy confessed.” I can’t think of the words to articulate to the Good Lord, but I feel certain that He knows what’s in my heart. I thank Him for Allyssa just as she is – and I thank Him for giving her two brothers just as they are. I thank Him for the loving, adoring, unconditional eyes they see her through.”
“ I ask god to please create a heart and soul that belongs to a boy somewhere that is meant to love her just the same as we do. I ask God to create two loving women that have these same eyes with which to see the hearts of my boys. I ask these things for my children and for all children.”
With an attitude like that instilled into her since birth, how can Allyssa fail to thrive and blossom into just what God intended for her?
Maybe God, in His infinite wisdom wanted to keep a little part of her for Himself - a tiny hand he could hold close to His heart as he watched her grow. Maybe He has something so special in store for Allyssa that there needed to be some small imperfection to offset the radiance of her star. Whatever it is, Allyssa Cate is most fearfully and wonderfully made, just like all the rest of God’s creations.
This story is for all children, especially the ones with, ‘baby arms’ like Allyssa’s, or crooked smiles, funny walks, silly laughs, chubby bellies, or hair and skin that aren’t perfect…it doesn’t matter if it is Cerebral Palsy, or Tay Sachs or Downs Syndrome…no matter if it is a birth mark, a limp, a clouded eye, it just doesn’t matter what the difference is. “ It doesn’t matter what the special circumstance, it hurts when someone else doesn’t see the beauty in our children. This is a heartbreak that parents of these beautiful children will have to deal with, but what God has revealed to me through Allyssa’s time here is that the old saying is true…beauty is as beauty does.”
What wondrous lessons we can learn from the people in our lives that have walked through this world in shoes we can never hope to fill…
Loretta Gillespie, with Christy Pace
Sometimes you just know that a person is destined for great things, even a little bitty person.
There’s just something that surrounds them, gentleness in some, a glow or radiance in others – some might call it an aura – whatever that,’ something’ is, Allyssa Pace sure has it.
I’ve known her mother, Christy, since she was a teenager, full of spunk - the epitome of GRITS, (that’s Girls Raised In The South, for the uninformed) and a true Southern beauty.
Allyssa Cate faces something that grown men – especially soldiers – have a hard time dealing with. The loss of a limb can be a devastating and life-changing event for them. For Allyssa, it’s a fact of life.
Christy and Brandon have two older sons, Boone and Brock, and they are probably the two most loving older brothers I’ve ever seen. They are attentive to their little sister, loving, protective, defensive and encouraging.
When Allyssa was born, Christy recalls the doctor approaching her bedside, telling her that something was wrong. “ That was the scariest moment of my life,” she said. The doctor went on to tell them that their baby’s arm didn’t develop. “ That was the first time I’d heard of an Amniotic Band. Those two little words have changed my life.”
How often have mother’s everywhere counted ten little toes and fingers…Christy counted only five fingers.
For a short time, Christy grieved her worldly ideas of what a daughter should be - then she came to realize that Allyssa was given to them exactly as God intended. “ I feel like I am part of something extraordinary because He chose me to be her momma. God will use my special child and other special children if we allow His spirit to move through us,” she said.
As Allyssa grows, her blonde curls and big blue eyes so angelic, and her personality so special and unique, the arm becomes less noticeable to those who know her. She literally bubbles
For this child, the world holds untold riches of the heart – people will single her out to be a role model for other children who are special, they will whisper words of encouragement and endearment in her ear - those words will give her confidence and strength.
But, in her life, there will be other words – carelessly flung by children who don’t realize their sting and the bitterness they carry. There will always be little girls who flash both arms out in front of her, making it a point to show her the difference, and little boys who will be curious and unaware that they are staring.
Kids say the darnedst, meanest, silliest, most obnoxious things, and there will be times when the barbs will be painful, will fill her with sorrow and make her cry.
Then again, there will be children who take their arms out of their sleeves so that they can all be more like Allyssa. There will be little boys who realize that she is kinder, sweeter and more patient than some of the rest… and someday, a prince will show up and claim her as his bride.
No, Allyssa’s life will not always be easy, there will be burdens sometimes, but it has already begun to build her character, her little eyes are wise beyond their years even at the age of three.
She will be the stuff that people like Princess Diana, Mother Theresa and Helen Keller were made of – strong, confident, and ready to take on the world.
How do I know this? Well, for one thing, I know her momma. Christy says that if God were to say to her today, “ Christy, I have this one little girl, she’s beautiful, smart, perfect, and all the children will follow her because of her wit and her charm… but she is totally lacking in compassion, her heart is self-absorbed and it will be very difficult for her to understand the struggles of others less fortunate. And I have this other little girl … she looks a little different, the world won’t always think she’s beautiful, she will have a temper like a wildcat but the heart of a servant. She will have the gift of compassion and hospitality - she won’t always finish first, but her heart will be full of sensitivity. Which one do you want? My answer is that no matter what the future brings, I will choose Allyssa every time.”
“ Sometimes I have to close my bedroom door, get down on my knees and cry and pray,” Christy confessed.” I can’t think of the words to articulate to the Good Lord, but I feel certain that He knows what’s in my heart. I thank Him for Allyssa just as she is – and I thank Him for giving her two brothers just as they are. I thank Him for the loving, adoring, unconditional eyes they see her through.”
“ I ask god to please create a heart and soul that belongs to a boy somewhere that is meant to love her just the same as we do. I ask God to create two loving women that have these same eyes with which to see the hearts of my boys. I ask these things for my children and for all children.”
With an attitude like that instilled into her since birth, how can Allyssa fail to thrive and blossom into just what God intended for her?
Maybe God, in His infinite wisdom wanted to keep a little part of her for Himself - a tiny hand he could hold close to His heart as he watched her grow. Maybe He has something so special in store for Allyssa that there needed to be some small imperfection to offset the radiance of her star. Whatever it is, Allyssa Cate is most fearfully and wonderfully made, just like all the rest of God’s creations.
This story is for all children, especially the ones with, ‘baby arms’ like Allyssa’s, or crooked smiles, funny walks, silly laughs, chubby bellies, or hair and skin that aren’t perfect…it doesn’t matter if it is Cerebral Palsy, or Tay Sachs or Downs Syndrome…no matter if it is a birth mark, a limp, a clouded eye, it just doesn’t matter what the difference is. “ It doesn’t matter what the special circumstance, it hurts when someone else doesn’t see the beauty in our children. This is a heartbreak that parents of these beautiful children will have to deal with, but what God has revealed to me through Allyssa’s time here is that the old saying is true…beauty is as beauty does.”
What wondrous lessons we can learn from the people in our lives that have walked through this world in shoes we can never hope to fill…
Loretta Gillespie, with Christy Pace
Friday, July 2, 2010
FEELING KIND OF SAPPY BECAUSE YOUR GONE
Okay Brock. i let you go today but i am not sure i should have. number one because you wanted to go at first then you got all iffy and stuff. Up until a few months ago you were all about going to visit a buddy but these days you are renigging alittle.....and number 2 because I am certain that the safest place that you can be is with me....and number 3 I want to protect you 24/7...and number 4 is because i'm Just not..
Last night Zeke called and wanted you to go to the Lake with him and his family for the 4th of July holiday...woo hoo. out in the boat. sunshine on your shoulders..(reminds me of a song your dad always sings)...skis, inner tubes...Keke and all his fun glory... it certainly sounds like something that I want my boy to be a part of. The lake has always always been my most favorite place to be. I want you to enjoy life. I want you to have friends. I want you to enjoy experiences.... and places and the world. i want you to love your home and be loyal to your home and family...but never bound to it as if it is a millstone around your neck. any wonderful opportunity God blesses you with I want you to take it. These are the most fun and carefree times of your life. It makes me happy to watch you enjoy your life.
At first you were receptive to the idea..then alittle less and then a little more less. You finally decided that you wanted to go "for a little while"...but you didn't want to spend the night once let alone 3 whole nights. I agreed to let you go and so did your Dad..I even encouraged. I remember when I was a little girl and even now sometimes...when its time for me to go somewhere with friends or when its time to do something "just for fun" i get to feeling all weird and scared and guilty... I never enjoyed myself away from my home...and now those feelings are even worse. I do enjoy myself once i get there.... but the anticipation of going makes me nauseated sometimes. I could tell that you were feeling alittle apprehensive....or maybe you were starting to feel a lot apprehensive...the closer it got to time to go the less you were enthused.
Still I kept urging you...and in the back of my mind and down in my gut I felt so guilty for doing so."what if he gets hurt and i forced him to go?" "what if someone is mean to him and I cant get to him?"...but still i pushed you to give it a whirl.
You left while I was at work today. I spoke with you on the phone a few times. I can still hear the fear and apprehension in your voice....."Momma, remember 10 o'clock tonight, remember that's when you are coming to pick me up." You called me just to ask, "Do you think we will get to go fishing down there?".... "i am gonna be disappointed if we dont get to fish." i could tell that this was a prelude to an "i dont think i'm gonna go revelation....but instead i shined you on because I knew in my heart it would be a super fun time...and I want you to know that its ok to have fun without the rest of us. You walk in such close proximity to your brothers foot steps it worries me that you wont have enough faith in your own abilities that you will hold back....I know you Brockie, I am your mother...and I know just how capable you are... So i urge you..."sure pack your fishing rod...of course Zeke and his Dad will fish with you....you wearily agree, and i can see your half hearted smile through the phone...i can tell by the sound of your voice what look is on your face...My heart cracks.... I say,"I love you Brockie, this will be fun".....(what I want to say is "aww to Hell with it...you stay home with Momma...when i get home we will snuggle on the couch!"...But i dont.
Nanny takes you to Zeke's house for me. I am working and Daddy is too... I am busy at work but inside I feel an uneasy ache. "what if he gets hurt?" "what if he wants to come home?" "What if I never see him again?"...I miss Brockie and I am not even home from work yet. I say alittle prayer to God~ not that he needs any word from me to know what's on my heart..."God please keep Brockie and his friends safe."
I encouraged him to go because I love him...but I want him to stay at home with me because I love him....God knows i Love him. I sure do love him...and I miss him...ok my heart just cracked again.. i think its breaking.
I love you Brock...it's gonna be fun...I promise.
Is being a Mother always this hard?
Last night Zeke called and wanted you to go to the Lake with him and his family for the 4th of July holiday...woo hoo. out in the boat. sunshine on your shoulders..(reminds me of a song your dad always sings)...skis, inner tubes...Keke and all his fun glory... it certainly sounds like something that I want my boy to be a part of. The lake has always always been my most favorite place to be. I want you to enjoy life. I want you to have friends. I want you to enjoy experiences.... and places and the world. i want you to love your home and be loyal to your home and family...but never bound to it as if it is a millstone around your neck. any wonderful opportunity God blesses you with I want you to take it. These are the most fun and carefree times of your life. It makes me happy to watch you enjoy your life.
At first you were receptive to the idea..then alittle less and then a little more less. You finally decided that you wanted to go "for a little while"...but you didn't want to spend the night once let alone 3 whole nights. I agreed to let you go and so did your Dad..I even encouraged. I remember when I was a little girl and even now sometimes...when its time for me to go somewhere with friends or when its time to do something "just for fun" i get to feeling all weird and scared and guilty... I never enjoyed myself away from my home...and now those feelings are even worse. I do enjoy myself once i get there.... but the anticipation of going makes me nauseated sometimes. I could tell that you were feeling alittle apprehensive....or maybe you were starting to feel a lot apprehensive...the closer it got to time to go the less you were enthused.
Still I kept urging you...and in the back of my mind and down in my gut I felt so guilty for doing so."what if he gets hurt and i forced him to go?" "what if someone is mean to him and I cant get to him?"...but still i pushed you to give it a whirl.
You left while I was at work today. I spoke with you on the phone a few times. I can still hear the fear and apprehension in your voice....."Momma, remember 10 o'clock tonight, remember that's when you are coming to pick me up." You called me just to ask, "Do you think we will get to go fishing down there?".... "i am gonna be disappointed if we dont get to fish." i could tell that this was a prelude to an "i dont think i'm gonna go revelation....but instead i shined you on because I knew in my heart it would be a super fun time...and I want you to know that its ok to have fun without the rest of us. You walk in such close proximity to your brothers foot steps it worries me that you wont have enough faith in your own abilities that you will hold back....I know you Brockie, I am your mother...and I know just how capable you are... So i urge you..."sure pack your fishing rod...of course Zeke and his Dad will fish with you....you wearily agree, and i can see your half hearted smile through the phone...i can tell by the sound of your voice what look is on your face...My heart cracks.... I say,"I love you Brockie, this will be fun".....(what I want to say is "aww to Hell with it...you stay home with Momma...when i get home we will snuggle on the couch!"...But i dont.
Nanny takes you to Zeke's house for me. I am working and Daddy is too... I am busy at work but inside I feel an uneasy ache. "what if he gets hurt?" "what if he wants to come home?" "What if I never see him again?"...I miss Brockie and I am not even home from work yet. I say alittle prayer to God~ not that he needs any word from me to know what's on my heart..."God please keep Brockie and his friends safe."
I encouraged him to go because I love him...but I want him to stay at home with me because I love him....God knows i Love him. I sure do love him...and I miss him...ok my heart just cracked again.. i think its breaking.
I love you Brock...it's gonna be fun...I promise.
Is being a Mother always this hard?
Thursday, July 1, 2010
A Sweet Story
Last night at a ballgame, my daughter Allyssa got cold after the sun went down. A friend of hers (and ours) named Ivan gave her his sweat shirt to wear (hes 7). Naturally the shirt was too big for Allyssa (shes 2) and even more noticable was the right shirt sleeve flopping back and forth. Allyssa's baby arm didnt even come close to half way of the sleeve. I rolled it up but it repeatedly came undone. We both got tired of fooling with the thing so we left it. She was more interested in playing with her friends. She recently found her own set of friends who all have brothers that play on the same team as her brothers.
Allyssa always gets lot's of stares....she seldom notices and even when a brave little soldier decides "enough of the staring im just going to ask about her arm" their usually met with a blank stare from Allyssa. Even when they touch her arm and ask, "what happened?" She still doesnt get it. (Everyone seems to notice her baby arm...except her.) As she played all over the park with her much older buddies other people stared at the dangling sleeve that Sweet Ivan so generously shared with her (i also should mention that he never said a word when it was time to go home about his shirt, and im sure he was cold too....Ivan forever the gentleman let her wear it home without so much as a second look)....stares and glances...most by innocent and curious children.
Mary Cate the oldest of Allyssa's friends...shes the ripe old age of 5...doesnt like it when someone looks funny at Allyssa. from day one she has made it her responsibility to set anyone straight that so much as has a curious glance for Allyssa...she says loudly on the playground while trying to maintain her southern charm, "I REALLY DONT THINK ITS A BIG DEAL AND I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD CONCERN YOURSELVES WITH IT, NOW GO SWING!...HAHA. I love that kid. last night was different even for Mary Cate. Mary Cate noticed that the other children stared a lot at Allyssa...so she quietly took one arm out of her sleeve and let hers dangle....she showed the other 2 little girls named Maci and Neely that were playing with them and they did the same. All three of Allyssa's friends took their arms out of their sleeves and played the rest of the night that way with Allyssa. They were the 4 most beautiful little girls i have ever seen.
Brandon walked up to me and noticed their were tears in my eyes. I pointed to the beautiful little girls and i said, "That's what God's Angel's look like isn't it Brandon?" He said, "yes." I am so thankful to live in Mount Hope, Alabama. There is no better place to raise children than Lawrence County....Do i want my children to grow up and see the world? Of course I do!!!!!.....but what better place to take with them in their hearts when they do? What better foundation can I give them than this place that is our home.? My answer is that there is none.
I realize that nothing stays the same and change must come. I will forever be regretful of the decision to consolidate Mount Hope School. The argument that our children can be offered so much more from a "LARGE SCHOOL".....I do agree that there are some strengths in numbers; however, this isnt one of them. There are simply some things that numbers can't buy. Some things arent worth giving up if you loose the thing that really matters and that's character and integrity. Hatton has welcomed us into their community and into their hearts and for that I am forever thankful.
The most beautiful part of this story for me is that sometimes our imperfections and hardships bring out the beauty in other people. (not that you wouldnt notice the beauty in Mary Cate and the rest of Allyssa's friends and not that Allyssa's arm is an imperfection.) It's just that if we choose to look for beauty in someone we will ALWAYS find it......I will always, always see the beauty in those little girls....no matter where their life leads them, no matter what mistakes any of them may make one day. They will forever be Beautiful Angels to me.
I love you Allyssa, you sure know how to find good friends.
Allyssa always gets lot's of stares....she seldom notices and even when a brave little soldier decides "enough of the staring im just going to ask about her arm" their usually met with a blank stare from Allyssa. Even when they touch her arm and ask, "what happened?" She still doesnt get it. (Everyone seems to notice her baby arm...except her.) As she played all over the park with her much older buddies other people stared at the dangling sleeve that Sweet Ivan so generously shared with her (i also should mention that he never said a word when it was time to go home about his shirt, and im sure he was cold too....Ivan forever the gentleman let her wear it home without so much as a second look)....stares and glances...most by innocent and curious children.
Mary Cate the oldest of Allyssa's friends...shes the ripe old age of 5...doesnt like it when someone looks funny at Allyssa. from day one she has made it her responsibility to set anyone straight that so much as has a curious glance for Allyssa...she says loudly on the playground while trying to maintain her southern charm, "I REALLY DONT THINK ITS A BIG DEAL AND I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD CONCERN YOURSELVES WITH IT, NOW GO SWING!...HAHA. I love that kid. last night was different even for Mary Cate. Mary Cate noticed that the other children stared a lot at Allyssa...so she quietly took one arm out of her sleeve and let hers dangle....she showed the other 2 little girls named Maci and Neely that were playing with them and they did the same. All three of Allyssa's friends took their arms out of their sleeves and played the rest of the night that way with Allyssa. They were the 4 most beautiful little girls i have ever seen.
Brandon walked up to me and noticed their were tears in my eyes. I pointed to the beautiful little girls and i said, "That's what God's Angel's look like isn't it Brandon?" He said, "yes." I am so thankful to live in Mount Hope, Alabama. There is no better place to raise children than Lawrence County....Do i want my children to grow up and see the world? Of course I do!!!!!.....but what better place to take with them in their hearts when they do? What better foundation can I give them than this place that is our home.? My answer is that there is none.
I realize that nothing stays the same and change must come. I will forever be regretful of the decision to consolidate Mount Hope School. The argument that our children can be offered so much more from a "LARGE SCHOOL".....I do agree that there are some strengths in numbers; however, this isnt one of them. There are simply some things that numbers can't buy. Some things arent worth giving up if you loose the thing that really matters and that's character and integrity. Hatton has welcomed us into their community and into their hearts and for that I am forever thankful.
The most beautiful part of this story for me is that sometimes our imperfections and hardships bring out the beauty in other people. (not that you wouldnt notice the beauty in Mary Cate and the rest of Allyssa's friends and not that Allyssa's arm is an imperfection.) It's just that if we choose to look for beauty in someone we will ALWAYS find it......I will always, always see the beauty in those little girls....no matter where their life leads them, no matter what mistakes any of them may make one day. They will forever be Beautiful Angels to me.
I love you Allyssa, you sure know how to find good friends.
If you Dont Want to Hear a Braggy Story Then Keep on Scrolling
I went with a friend of mine to Davy Crockett State Park today. she has 2 rowdy boys, i have 2 rowdy boys...they are as sweet as they are rowdy but still....today was a day that we designated just for the boys which equates to No Baby girl Allyssa today.
so we spend the day up there and it was fun and exhausting. we left at 6:30am we got back at 8:00pm...so needless to say it felt like we had been seperated all day and then some. when we get home Allyssa is both estatic and mad to see her brothers. see, she knows that we went some place today and she also knows that we went without her little prissy hind end and she isnt liking it AT ALL. Her attitude is pure sass and attitude and we all know full well why she is perturbed...we just ignore it.
to satisfy her i let her get a bath in the "big bath tub" with all her toys AND her brother Brock. she loves to wash his hair. Brock lets her use the whole bottle of shampoo...it gets in his hair, his ear, his face and eyes and all the while she is hurling sassy insults at him...Brock just smiles and i keep on cleaning the bathroom and let her vent....while im in the next room eavesdropping and cleaning they continue to chat and play. i love to listen, and who knows what i might find out.
Allyssa seems to be getting over her mad spell. She and Brock are playing Barbies in the tub, mind you this is an activity that he doesnt boast about to his friends or even his daddy....they are sitting facing each other and Brock says to her, "you know what Allyssa girl?" She says, "what?" (and she says it smarty too) he says, i almost forgot how pretty you was since i left out this morning..you sure are beautiful, are you gonna always be my girl?"....to which she replies, "You got it Brockie."
I walk out of the bathroom a few minutes and give them and myself alittle time. I close my bedroom door and i get down on my knees and i cry and i pray. i cant think of too many words to articulate to the Good Lord, but i feel certain that he knows what is in my heart. I thank him for Allyssa just as she is, and i thank him for giving her two brothers just as they are. i thank him for the eyes in which they see their sister through. They see her through loving, adoring, unconditional eyes. I ask God to please create a heart and soul that belongs to a boy that is going to love her just the same as her brothers and as her daddy and i do. I ask God to give these eyes to someone that is going to love her. i also ask God to create two loving women that have these same eyes in which to see the hearts of my boys. i ask these things for my children and i ask this for all of our children.
For obvious reasons i am bragging a little on facebook about my children tonight. Allyssa is a little different, that is true, but what i know to be true is that all of us have children that are different. It doesnt matter if it is baby arm like Allyssa's, or a crooked smile, or a funny walk, a silly laugh, a chubby belly or hair or skin that isnt perfect...it doesnt matter if it is Cerebral Palsey, or Tay Sachs or Downs Syndrome...it doesnt matter if its a birth mark, IT JUST DOESNT MATTER WHAT THE DIFFERENCE, no matter what the special circumstance...if its our children it hurts us when someone doesnt love them. it hurts when everyone else doesnt see the beauty in our children that we as parents see in them. This is a heartbreak that each of us are going to have to deal with...but what God revealed to me tonight is that somewhere some place their is boy that is going to love my baby girl for whats in her heart, and he is going to think she is the most beautiful girl in the world....Brock sure thinks so and so do i.
i love you Brock, Allyssa and Boone...you sure know how to love.
so we spend the day up there and it was fun and exhausting. we left at 6:30am we got back at 8:00pm...so needless to say it felt like we had been seperated all day and then some. when we get home Allyssa is both estatic and mad to see her brothers. see, she knows that we went some place today and she also knows that we went without her little prissy hind end and she isnt liking it AT ALL. Her attitude is pure sass and attitude and we all know full well why she is perturbed...we just ignore it.
to satisfy her i let her get a bath in the "big bath tub" with all her toys AND her brother Brock. she loves to wash his hair. Brock lets her use the whole bottle of shampoo...it gets in his hair, his ear, his face and eyes and all the while she is hurling sassy insults at him...Brock just smiles and i keep on cleaning the bathroom and let her vent....while im in the next room eavesdropping and cleaning they continue to chat and play. i love to listen, and who knows what i might find out.
Allyssa seems to be getting over her mad spell. She and Brock are playing Barbies in the tub, mind you this is an activity that he doesnt boast about to his friends or even his daddy....they are sitting facing each other and Brock says to her, "you know what Allyssa girl?" She says, "what?" (and she says it smarty too) he says, i almost forgot how pretty you was since i left out this morning..you sure are beautiful, are you gonna always be my girl?"....to which she replies, "You got it Brockie."
I walk out of the bathroom a few minutes and give them and myself alittle time. I close my bedroom door and i get down on my knees and i cry and i pray. i cant think of too many words to articulate to the Good Lord, but i feel certain that he knows what is in my heart. I thank him for Allyssa just as she is, and i thank him for giving her two brothers just as they are. i thank him for the eyes in which they see their sister through. They see her through loving, adoring, unconditional eyes. I ask God to please create a heart and soul that belongs to a boy that is going to love her just the same as her brothers and as her daddy and i do. I ask God to give these eyes to someone that is going to love her. i also ask God to create two loving women that have these same eyes in which to see the hearts of my boys. i ask these things for my children and i ask this for all of our children.
For obvious reasons i am bragging a little on facebook about my children tonight. Allyssa is a little different, that is true, but what i know to be true is that all of us have children that are different. It doesnt matter if it is baby arm like Allyssa's, or a crooked smile, or a funny walk, a silly laugh, a chubby belly or hair or skin that isnt perfect...it doesnt matter if it is Cerebral Palsey, or Tay Sachs or Downs Syndrome...it doesnt matter if its a birth mark, IT JUST DOESNT MATTER WHAT THE DIFFERENCE, no matter what the special circumstance...if its our children it hurts us when someone doesnt love them. it hurts when everyone else doesnt see the beauty in our children that we as parents see in them. This is a heartbreak that each of us are going to have to deal with...but what God revealed to me tonight is that somewhere some place their is boy that is going to love my baby girl for whats in her heart, and he is going to think she is the most beautiful girl in the world....Brock sure thinks so and so do i.
i love you Brock, Allyssa and Boone...you sure know how to love.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
My boys have been at MiMi's house for 2 whole nights. Brandon is working nights so it was just little baby girl and me. It is so loud when the boys are here...and it is so very quiet when they are gone. who knew i would love the loud so much. I dont remember who I was before those little guys came along. I am sure whomever I was...I wasnt too important.
Boone and Brock both got asked to play all-stars in baseball. It was quiet an honor considering its our first real year to play Hatton ball since the consolidation. The boys both played their little hears oou. Boone's team won county champs 10 and Under Dixie Youth. Brock's team won some games but overall they didnt have a great season....Poor Brockie, he always plays his little heart out but he winds up on a team that isnt very good. If i do say so myself they both are awesome kiddos not the least of which is their athletic abilities....But the thing I am so in love with is their sweet little loving hearts.
Boone has decided he doesnt want to participate in all stars (which is fine with me) but Brock isnt going to mis it of course....oh well. GOOD LUCK BROCK PACE.
My little baby girl keeps getting prettier and smarter and more articulate everyday. She makes everyone fall right smack in love with her.....God is so good.
Good Night My Darlings.....Be safe coming home from work Daddy...Mommy will be here for each of you Always and Forever.
Boone and Brock both got asked to play all-stars in baseball. It was quiet an honor considering its our first real year to play Hatton ball since the consolidation. The boys both played their little hears oou. Boone's team won county champs 10 and Under Dixie Youth. Brock's team won some games but overall they didnt have a great season....Poor Brockie, he always plays his little heart out but he winds up on a team that isnt very good. If i do say so myself they both are awesome kiddos not the least of which is their athletic abilities....But the thing I am so in love with is their sweet little loving hearts.
Boone has decided he doesnt want to participate in all stars (which is fine with me) but Brock isnt going to mis it of course....oh well. GOOD LUCK BROCK PACE.
My little baby girl keeps getting prettier and smarter and more articulate everyday. She makes everyone fall right smack in love with her.....God is so good.
Good Night My Darlings.....Be safe coming home from work Daddy...Mommy will be here for each of you Always and Forever.
Monday, May 31, 2010
I want you to know
Morbid? Maybe. Weird? Probably? Necessary? Definitely? I have kept a diary since I was little girl, probably since the age of 5 or so. Why then should I be any different as a grown woman. especially when i have 3 beautiful children with so many questions for me and for the world. I have so many things that I want to teach each of you and so many things i want to share with you. I have so many memories that I want to keep alive. We are not promised tomorrow here on Earth. I want to give you today in every way that I can....So listen and learn. Some things will make a difference and some things wont. some things will touch your hearts and some things wont. I want each of you to remember that I love you with every part of my heart and soul. You are each more than i ever expected in a child...you are each extraordinary human beings that have brightened my world beyond anything I would have ever imagined. I am so proud of each of you. you are all so unique and different. each possessing your strengths and talents and weaknesses..lol And yes i did say weaknesses. and it is OK to have them. it is through our weaknesses that we learn the most and grow the most...so embrace them as well as your strengths.....(perhaps even more)
Boone, my first born. My son. You are such a beautiful and sensitive soul. You are always looking out for other people and sacrificing yourself....trusting in god to sustain you. as a christian that makes me so proud, but as a mother i want to yell and scream and tell you to stop being a door mat and start sticking up for yourself. you have a heart of gold. A Little on the temperamental side. Intelligent, hard working, anal retentive, (you got that honest) and clumsy. you are most definitely a people pleaser. I worry so much about you my sweet son. I have the utmost confidence in you, but it breaks my heart to watch you put such pressure on yourself. You like to laugh and have a good time, but your personality is one of such seriousness. I do feel like that is partly my fault. You were our first born and we were so particular with you. we were also selfish . we scarcely let you go anywhere. I read to you, walked with you, played classical music to you and done every imaginable learning friendly activity with you...as a result you were an early talker. extremely bright and articulate. You were a sight to see. you walked a little late (12 months)...but you talked like a grown person and you had this really deep raspy voice. it made for a cute but odd sight. you were this adorable bald little guy that couldn't walk or crawl, but you talked in complete sentences...and your voice was very distinguished. oh my gosh how cute you were. i love you so much Boone Pace. I see so much potential and talent in you. i am so grateful to be your mother.
Brock. Brockston Glenn Pace, my little Brockie Bear. My sweet cuddle bug. You always get underestimated as the sensitive one don't you? but i am your momma and i know better. I know just how much you love to have that snuggle time. you are understated, underestimated and totally and completely adorable. you are as smart as a whip and no one ever sees it coming. you follow in your older brothers foot steps to the point that I'm not sure if you know where he stops and you begin....I want more than anything for you to find that boundary little guy because you are so unique. when i look at you, you remind me of every thing i ever fell in love with about your daddy. everything that i adored about him is manifested in you little guy. you melt my heart. you always have and i think you always will. you are a fierce ball player, you hate school even though you do exceptionally well at it...(you are at the very top of your class by the way)....but it breaks my heart because you never feel adequate. I wish you could see yourself through Mommy' eyes. The surprising things about you is the amazing bond that was so immediate between you and your baby sister. everyone expected Boone to take her over, but it was you really....of course Allyssa loves her Boone, but from day one, She brought out a side of you that not everyone else knew you had...(except Momma knew you had it)
Allyssa Cate...my Catie girl. My beautiful ray of sunshine that brings so much joy to this home. How did we survive before you came into our life? your presence here has changed the dynamic of our home and our lives. you make lemonade out of lemons. that's the best way i can describe you. You have brought a side out of your brothers that I'm not sure they knew they had. you saved your daddy's life little sweet girl. you recreated the very heart that beats inside his chest....his soul has been made new...because he is your daddy. Words fail me when i try and describe you. you have a way about you that captivates other people. yo have a gift sweet girl and i am so very excited to have a front row seat to your life. I know in my heart that you are going to have a few obstacles that your brothers will not have in life, but i also know in my heart that you possess something inside of you that is stronger and more beautiful than anything that a hand could possess for you. I am amazed at you every day. i know that you will make us proud. Always strive to make good decisions...try and figure out why you are here...use your talents and strengths as God intends you to and the world will be at your feet...i know that in my soul.
I love you babies so very much......always and forever.
Boone, my first born. My son. You are such a beautiful and sensitive soul. You are always looking out for other people and sacrificing yourself....trusting in god to sustain you. as a christian that makes me so proud, but as a mother i want to yell and scream and tell you to stop being a door mat and start sticking up for yourself. you have a heart of gold. A Little on the temperamental side. Intelligent, hard working, anal retentive, (you got that honest) and clumsy. you are most definitely a people pleaser. I worry so much about you my sweet son. I have the utmost confidence in you, but it breaks my heart to watch you put such pressure on yourself. You like to laugh and have a good time, but your personality is one of such seriousness. I do feel like that is partly my fault. You were our first born and we were so particular with you. we were also selfish . we scarcely let you go anywhere. I read to you, walked with you, played classical music to you and done every imaginable learning friendly activity with you...as a result you were an early talker. extremely bright and articulate. You were a sight to see. you walked a little late (12 months)...but you talked like a grown person and you had this really deep raspy voice. it made for a cute but odd sight. you were this adorable bald little guy that couldn't walk or crawl, but you talked in complete sentences...and your voice was very distinguished. oh my gosh how cute you were. i love you so much Boone Pace. I see so much potential and talent in you. i am so grateful to be your mother.
Brock. Brockston Glenn Pace, my little Brockie Bear. My sweet cuddle bug. You always get underestimated as the sensitive one don't you? but i am your momma and i know better. I know just how much you love to have that snuggle time. you are understated, underestimated and totally and completely adorable. you are as smart as a whip and no one ever sees it coming. you follow in your older brothers foot steps to the point that I'm not sure if you know where he stops and you begin....I want more than anything for you to find that boundary little guy because you are so unique. when i look at you, you remind me of every thing i ever fell in love with about your daddy. everything that i adored about him is manifested in you little guy. you melt my heart. you always have and i think you always will. you are a fierce ball player, you hate school even though you do exceptionally well at it...(you are at the very top of your class by the way)....but it breaks my heart because you never feel adequate. I wish you could see yourself through Mommy' eyes. The surprising things about you is the amazing bond that was so immediate between you and your baby sister. everyone expected Boone to take her over, but it was you really....of course Allyssa loves her Boone, but from day one, She brought out a side of you that not everyone else knew you had...(except Momma knew you had it)
Allyssa Cate...my Catie girl. My beautiful ray of sunshine that brings so much joy to this home. How did we survive before you came into our life? your presence here has changed the dynamic of our home and our lives. you make lemonade out of lemons. that's the best way i can describe you. You have brought a side out of your brothers that I'm not sure they knew they had. you saved your daddy's life little sweet girl. you recreated the very heart that beats inside his chest....his soul has been made new...because he is your daddy. Words fail me when i try and describe you. you have a way about you that captivates other people. yo have a gift sweet girl and i am so very excited to have a front row seat to your life. I know in my heart that you are going to have a few obstacles that your brothers will not have in life, but i also know in my heart that you possess something inside of you that is stronger and more beautiful than anything that a hand could possess for you. I am amazed at you every day. i know that you will make us proud. Always strive to make good decisions...try and figure out why you are here...use your talents and strengths as God intends you to and the world will be at your feet...i know that in my soul.
I love you babies so very much......always and forever.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
About Me
- fearfullyandwonderfully
- I blog because i am a relentless diary keeper. I write. I have always written. i love to write and scribble. not the greatest speller, but I love to write down my thoughts and feelings. Life is short. very short. I have a home awaiting me in heaven. i haven't earned that home by any means, but it was promised to me the day i accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as My Savior. There is a time to be born for each of us and there is a time to die for each of us. I pray that I live to see my Children grown and Prosperous by Heavenly standards, but if i do not My children will always have these words from my heart. God has blessed me beyond anything I ever imagined or deserved. My children have given my life meaning and happiness. I have so much I want to tell them...teach them...explain to them... I cannot leave this world without them knowing these things on my heart. This blog is for my Children and If should leave this world unexpectedly I want you knuckle heads to know that I am your Mother, I love you, and I expect to see each of you In Heaven one day...SEE that you make it. that should be your focus in life my sweet babies, and if it isnt..then i have failed as a mother...