Egg Samich

June 1, 2013 Sleeping late- Allyssa sticks her little pinkie finger up my nose..." Momma you got a sore up in there." (Yeah, thanks babe- knowed it) I'm Gonna lay in bed a while and cool my jets, eat some nutty buddies...."Momma I'm bout to go fishin can you make my bed while I go get my tackle box together, just for today please???" (Sure babe anything for my sweet cheeks) Ok now I'm gonna go purge my colon and read my new book a few mins when I hear Boone say..." Momma I'm starving, I made Allyssa some noodles but can you make me an egg samich with some of RJ's yard eggs he brought us?" (Heck why not) K- now, beds made. Poop half completed. Allyssa had some noodles for breakfast via her big brother, she's good. (Shut up don't judge me people) Brock's happy on The lake this morning..... Tackle box packed, rod and reel gassed up, fishing boat ready to rock, mommas bout ready to hit the pool with sis...and last but not least the egg samich is made!!!!! I call him- BOONE? BOONE!!?? Hey BOOOOOO-----EWWWW-----OOOOONNNNUUUUUUOOOONNNNN????? Yo samich is ready!!! I look out the door- Boone is driving off with Chase- with the boat. Tackle box on the back... Blowin me a kiss-----" be back later MOMMA, you can eat my samich I'm not that hungry." I don't like eggs. It's starting to rain. I feel another cramp. HAPPY SATURDAY EVERYBODY- I'm living the glamorous life - try not to hate babe. Try not to hate. ;););).

I remember the day Allyssa was born. For some reason I woke up thinking about it.... And of course my thoughts bounce between my Momma and my baby girl. (2 of my 3 favorite women in 10,000 galaxies) I'm remembering those moments in the OR..... The day she was born. June 13, 2007 at 1332..... I can hear those words. Those words that still randomly ring in my ear. The words that take me back in time in an instant. Like a dream I'm that girl in that gown, on that table, with my heart in my throat- waiting on my first little baby girl. "Christy" (why is he standing here looking at me?) "listen to me Christy." (Why do i need to listen?) "Christy something is wrong." (Yeah I can see that, dad is in the floor, why is he in the floor, where is the camera, somebody get the camera I don't care what's wrong, get the camera and get me some pictures of my baby girl, this is her day not ours now get the camera!.... we can discuss this later....get the god forsaken camera or I'm flipping some tables over in here as soon as I can feel my legs) "Christy it's her arm, it's didn't develope." I say "OK let me see her" - I can hear her crying (thank you Jesus) she's probably crying because everyone's gawking at her... "let me see her." They bring her wrapped up by this time- I say, " no you let me see her... "Unwrap her".... and you get that camera out and you take a picture of her and I mean now- your not gonna Jip her because you don't think her arms looks right." Let me touch her..... I wanna smell her... Let me feel her.... I want my lips on her. I want her to hear me tell her she's beautiful.... And I want her just like she is....she needs to hear her mother tell her she is perfect..... And they do and I do. And my heart loves her- instantly she became the third part of my life. My girl and my boys. My life and my heart and my soul. There she is.... Her beautiful little self. My sweet girl.... Please tell me she isn't in pain.... Does this hurt her? Can she possibly be in pain because of this? I think Dr. Conrad told me no, but to be honest I couldn't hear much because My God had already arrived.... Never Had I been so sure about anything in my entire life. He was there. Maybe because all The other tricky times in my life it had been his angels I had felt... Those feelings were the same but different. This is him today. I feel him today. I had felt close to god before but never like this. My thoughts remind me of Moses and his hair turning white because he was directly in Gods presence. I remember laughing for a second thinking about my hair being white and sticking straight up on my head. I really did! I remember it all so well.... i knew that it was God, it was him. I didn't hear his audible voice..... I surely didn't see his face- my hair is still brown.... (Thank goodness) But I knew. Ever hear the terms "I know" it's an all encompassing term when speaking in his terms. "I KNOW " for me that day his was an instant understanding. An instant comfort- without words. Without pictures. I knew in an instant that it was well..... It was well with my soul. I knew- it was God's speed. I knew it was God's divine plan. I knew it was agape. I knew that it was settled. I knew that, that day I became someone else- I knew that I knew. Unless anyone has ever been in the presence of god like that- you cannot understand what this means. The day Allyssa was born was the first time for me- He made me into something different through her. God's presence in that room was like a tent over me....over each one of us willing to feel. I felt him on my skin. I heard him inside my soul. I smelled him. I tasted him. I could see him in the periphery of my vision.....felt him on the back of my neck... The room was him. The air was him..... No words were needed. His presence in the room answered my soul. He didn't answer my conscious questions with words or language. His presence answered my soul.... Without a word he answered my soul......he gave me peace and understanding with the phrase.... "I am" And god as my witness that is the last time I honestly can say that I have worried over Allyssa. I know it sounds almost shameful....A mother that does not worry. But my heart honestly does not worry over her. How can I? The impression he left with me that day took that worry away- it hasn't faded. He left a mark on me that will never disappear.... He is the alpha and omega. The beginning and the end..(stand back I'm gonna preach) I'm not preaching because I'm good. I'm not putting on because I need to show off. I'm not sharing because I need to hot dog- I'm sharing because I have to. I need to. Who keeps this stuff in? Who keeps a second with God like that inside.? I cannot. I can still hear that sound in my ears.... It was god touching every sense I had. And it was the most wonderful day of my life. I asked...."Is Everything else OK? .." Dr. Conrad said it was.... "She is in great health." (I knew that already) so I said...."well, it's OK"- that's all there was to say. "It's OK." Waiting on my recovery to end. Allyssa was where the babies go. I was in a curtained area between 2, not 1 but 2 other wailing mothers. I could hear them on each side of me. Weeping, begging, pleading, screaming, sobbing..... Beside me. One on the left the other on the right. "Please Jesus give her back to me." "Let her breath, it's not too late you can, you can I know u can" - "I'll be good, please let me have her alive." ..... This broken woman had just given birth to a stillborn baby. She was so pitiful. She touched me. I had been crying too- mainly because of my experience with God, but also because I had said such embarrassing things to everyone under anesthesia i was mortified..... i wanted to Rip out my tongue. i hoped they wouldn't even remember me. It's like truth serum to me, those drugs---- nonetheless, immediately i got quiet when I heard her gut-wrenching Words.... in such a touching voice. My own tears at that moment made me feel ashamed. I dried up. How could I weep? I knew those women would have traded places with me in a second. The second lady was a Latina. I couldn't understand her words- but "I knew." My heart knew. I knew what her agonizing words meant. They were pleas.....I whispered "I love you"- I meant it. I loved those women who never knew I was there. I think about them almost everyday now.... For a long time I thought abut them everyday all through the day. I love them still. I hope they know. The first person I saw out of recovery was my mother. God help me with this memory.... I saw my sweet, sweet mother. Oh how I long for her. Her pretty smile. Her warm touch. Her precious voice. Oh how I ache for her. When I saw her I knew- I knew she had been that angel that had given me those God speed feelings all these years I talked about.. It was that same feeling- the one I had in the OR with God except it was different.....Less intense but steadying and loving and comforting just the same. It had been her all this time. momma was my angel all those years.. It was my mother with black hair and sparkly hazel eyes.. my mother with the infectious laugh... My mother was, is and always will be the Angel that helps make my soul well.....MOMMA- I love to say her name. I love her. I miss her...I want her.... what I wouldn't give to hear her say to me what she said that day when she saw me... My heart was so broken. My spirit was crushed...My body hurt, my gown was drafty, my hair was a mop...mascara down to my Adam's Apple what I wouldn't give to hear her sweet, sweet voice say to me again" It's OK baby girl.... I love you." God help me with this memory... it haunts me so. I heard later from those that were there at the hospital the day Baby girl was born. Some were taking on....weeping, wailing, gnashing some teeth.... when Momma heard this she marched right out to the waiting room...she put on her meanie voice (as best she could anyway)and she made her announcement.... here were her orders... Listen... "there will be no crying here today. if you need to cry, go outside and let it out- but when you come back in here you better have on your happy faces. I mean it. if my baby can smile with her little heart broke then there better not be nairy one of you that ain't smiling neither...I mean it...dry your eyes or go on home...you can cry when you get there! Your welcome to come back but you better have your crying out time you get here...!!!" What an angel she is...My angel. Lord help me not to wish her back...but heaven knows I would take her back in a minute. I love you Momma..... I wish you could see Allyssa right now. She's so fine. She is just so fine....She's so good...... And She's so you. Rest well My sweet Momma...I promise I will see you again. That's my story today. That's what I need to say- to search my soul today. Maybe it can help someone.... I know it helps me. ;)

In yo Face Heifas

In your face ladies..... In...... Your...... Face......

Happy Spirit Day ya'll

Now I remember why I have NEVER, EVER, NEVER dressed my kids up for stuff at school. Allyssa has cried and screamed and wigged out over every inch of garment I've put on her today----"but, but, but will everybody have a yellow bow in their hair?" "But will everybody be wearing purple socks?" "But everybody won't have on a yellow skirt." .....but...but....but..... Boooo hoooooo hoooooo....." This is the most terrible day ever because I don't even look cute." When teacher do the dress up day thingy at school it gives me a sad face.... A real big sad face....Really teachers knock it off with all the fun stuff ok- it's easier if you keep it boring and nonspirit day ok? Thanks! I used to feel guilty when I fizzled out on dress up days at school FOR MY KIDS. with every facebook upload sporting camo, and 80's hair and painted faces.... Pangs of guilt and despair would shoot me between the ventricles of my heart. Every kid running to the bus in their hand knitted frocks or their elaborate Halloween costumes looking all scary and junk- every little hunter with their faces painted green sporting a gela suit.(I just realized I have no idea how to spell gela suit) and the darling little girls dressed like Hanna Montana with their make shift microphones. My heart would ache. My motherhood questioned. The very thread of my being at stake!!!!! I would mourn my kids wearing the same sweatshirt they wore twice this week already. And I even forgot to have the little one brush her teeth, or her hair, or eat breakfast or put on clean underwear....what had I become? I was just a failure. (back then) TODAY HOWEVER- I AM TRIUMPHANT!!!!! And for all you overachiever mothers I say to you- today I join your ranks- today I persevered. Today.......I........won...... Today I say, " go, yellow jackets go- we got spirit yes we do!!!!!" Today I say move over Mary freakin poppins there's a new boob in town..... And I have an umbrella too.... And it's purple and its gold!!!! Tomorrow however- in probably gonna be back to "screw it, it ain't worth the fight" Allyssa is gonna come home half naked anyway as soon as she gets on the bus she will start dismantling and throwing her crap in the floor. Happy spirit day y'all!!!!

sniffing estrogen

Allyssa says that if she doesn't get her field trip money in by today she's "gonna be dead"..."she's just going to die and never, ever get over it as long as she lives." Somebody call somebody I'de hate for my baby girl to "die and never get over it as long as she lives." Somebody been sniffing estrogen this morning.

Anna

It just occurred to me when I was hollering and fussing at Anna girl.;););). ..... I said "do you got that Anna Roberson?" And I realized that soon ill be saying "Anna Hopkins".... I am Sooo excited. I'm gaining another youngun... Anna Roberson Hopkins... I can't believe it's time. Seems like yesterday Chase was getting ready for their first date... He was sick with nervousness. He even let me fix his hair and pick out his shirt- ( he even let me iron it!) that was 8 years ago!!! I wish momma was here so bad. She was so looking forward to it. Little did she know then that it would be Anna that stayed with her day and night those last days of her life... Singing to her, praying over her, reading to her, bathing her and loving her so selflessly......- loving her no differently than her own children and grandchildren did. It wouldn't matter to me and I know it wouldn't matter to nanny- (marriage is beautiful) .... But a piece of paper doesn't make Anna our family.....she's been our family the moment we met her. When your child, grandchild, brother or sister takes a spouse- we are responsible for loving them the same as we love our blood... (sometimes more!) they are ONE. And if you do any less you should get on your knees and pray.... And beg God to open your heart to the love that's there for the taking. I failed at that once when my brother married the second time....I wish I had not. I will always regret it... Not because she was that great because let me tell you she wasn't) ;););) .....(I know I'm terrible) but if we contribute to a divide in a young marriage then we should take some responsibility when it fails.. Families are sacred. And my parents never, ever said a cross word to or about their in laws..they never failed to get on me hard when they felt I was wrong...... In many ways they treated them better than us- but I now why they did it. They did it because they loved us....their objectiveness when I was in the wrong made it that much sweeter when they were supportive of me when they felt I was in the right.....they were and are my moral compass.... Only giving me direction when I ask for it, but giving me support whether I asked for it or not. It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of me- because I know what my parents think. If they think I've done my best- then I know I've done my best. they would never lie to me or discourage me from taking responsibility for my choices. When my dad says something is right- I know it's right. I pray to be that kind of support for my children. It has got to be the most difficult thing on this earth to do- mine are little so how can I know what will come one day? I just know that if God is willing- I will be the parent that mine are...(I'm gonna tell you, I can't see that happening but I may as well be ambitious) Anywho!!!! Cheerios and congratulations Chase- for hitting the jackpot- you are giving us one that is easy to love. We love her dearly already- always have! I sure wish nanny could be here to see her babies get married

The Cook is Still on Strike

Day 2 of operation TV on its ear in the front yard. Brock: tripped over it walking up to the house..(guess he hasn't noticed it yet) Boone: says he's gonna get it up tonight after he gets in from fishing. (HE said that yesterday already) Chase: quietly wonders why Aunt Christy hasn't cooked supper for 2 nights in a row. And steadily begins to lose weight. Allyssa: says we should knock the glass out and plant flowers in it and leave it. Because its pretty. Papaw Jerry: is using all the will power he can possibly muster to drive by everyday and not load it up himself Me- my chair is still facing due east. I wonder how ugly this is gonna get when the hot pockets and leftover casserole from Sunday is gone. ;);););)

The cook is on strike

There's been a broken down TV on my porch for 3 months. I've been on the boys (I ain't mentioning no names but its Chase, Boone and Brock) to take it off somewhere.... Yesterday I threw if off the porch and out in the yard. It's sitting on its ear this morning and my porch looks so clean and tidy. I told them they can't come back In the house nor will I cook their favorite dinners (or any food for that matter) until they get rid of it. I can last as long as them- ill just turn my chair towards the east when I'm out there relaxing.... I won't even notice the TV on its ear in the yard and if I do I just turn my chair a little more Eastward. And voila! Pure unadulterated westward BLISS. It's actually easy this parenting.... Whoopings were so physically taxing on me anyway.... It's way easier to take their food away. ;););) But wait a sec.... Do you think that's too harsh....? Oh shoot never mind. Who am I kidding.... Of course it's not. ;) Hmmmm- Wonder what me and Allyssa and Papaw are having for supper tonight?.... Whatever it is, I don't have to make much of it. Thank goodness. Can't wait for the boys to sneak on their phones at school and check their facebooks today. Love you guys!!! Mean it! ....Except Chase will have To get this second hand- poor little guy is still trying to figure out how to get a """My Face""" account.... God bless him.

DYSFUNCTION....sweet, sweet dysfunction. :)

jan 14, 2013

I spent the week-end cuddled up with my babies..(or at least as much as they will let me) ..we hung out with my mom and my dad today....I don't want to miss anything. I regret every second I've taken for granted those that truly matter to me.

My Big Old Boy

That fixed That...

and i have a good momma.....

May 17, 2012...Momma

Momma is currently receiving her 7th unit of blood....she's stable but serious. She swallowed the Camera Capsule ( very cool procedure) early this AM....they were able to locate another bleed in her small bowel. (One like she recently had repaired in Bham) she will stay in the Hospital at DGH until Monday then she will be transported via ambulance to UAB for surgical repair. In the last 3 days she has received an entire blood replinishment...which means 4 days ago when she walked up to my house and I woke up from a nap to see her praying over me.. she was near death herself ...God love my precious, sweet Momma who never complains...she loves me and my children more than she loves herself ... PLEASE lord allow me to be selfish and keep her here with us....I pray her heart be un-broken and her health restored...and my Daddy's prayers be answered...the one's I've seen him praying over her....

May 15, 2012...my own Mother

My little sweet, Momma is very sick ...she's been struggling for a long while....she has a bleed some Where in her belly. As the woman in the. Bible suffered for 12 years, momma has suffered for 6....these types of injuries come and go and are typical of a Momma that worries over her family ...( bleeding ulcers)...I've never asked for prayers publicly ...but this time seems worse to me. She's so sick. She is in ICU AT DGH, and she will Be transported to UAB tomorrow....please pray for Momma. ..It just takes a touch and some faith.

you go back to school and you tell her....

Allyssa says, "Mommy, _____ says she dont like my baby arm and nobody else does Either."...I say, "Allyssa, baby girl you go back to school and you tell _____ to Kiss your ass right in the crack...you say it calmly...but you look at her straight so she'll know you mean it...and YOU mean it."...and if she dont watch her mouth she might Get a baby arm punch right in the kisser.. ..she say, "MOMMY!! I'll get in trouble." I say, " oh well, you might do it but they can eat you."...she say.." and _____ can't eat me neither if I punch her in her kisser."...WE LAUGHED AND LAUGHED AND LAUGHED.....then we read Psalms 139 again....then we cried and cried and cried.

I have to wash Allyssa's sheets, pillow case & covers every week 4 pre-k. I get them on Friday & she takes them back on Monday. I packed them in her fuzzy, Pink, designated butterfly back back. she decided 2 go thru it 2 make sure mom is doing what Mom's supposed to. I scolded her & asked if she thought I was a chump or something.(I'm June Cleaver)nonetheless she kept inspecting. she reached down into the pillow case & drug out a wadded up pair of my draws...(my less than pristine draws at that). .allyssa says..." momma looks like you are a chump today"...the boys laughed, I threw my toothpaste.tube at them.

ME, Clark Grizwald, blinky Christmas lights, some hot Cocoa and my 3 snuggle bunnies.....my cup runneth over..(that ain't the freaking Christmas star Grizwald, it's the light at the sewer plant)

Princesses' don't take baths

Feb 11, 2011

allyssa picked out the color, took the top off and painted her toenails all by herself (with1 arm tried behind her back)

December 22, 2010

I kiss Allyssa's baby arm and say..."i love ur baby arm." she says..."i dont,"...so i ask her "what?"..."u want fingers so u will look like every OLD body else and their brother?"..she says..."no, i want a black baby arm because that baby was beautiful." (referring to a baby we just saw) Thats my little democrat...she sees Gods Beauty, not color, creed or nationality!

a Pedi

I caught Brock giving his baby sister a pedi... what a softie all rolled up into a BIG, Adorable lug.

September 27, 2010

overheard conversation at Brocks football practice: little boy say, "Brock you sure are good at tackling and running"..Brock says.."yeah im good, i practice tackling momma at home, she lets me tackle her & shes BIG she weighs sumn like 100 pounds." (well God Love him)

By Loretta Gillespie...A story about Allyssa

Allyssa’s Story Moulton Advertiser For July 22, 2010 “ Allyssa’s Story” Sometimes you just know that a person is destined for great things, even a little bitty person. There’s just something that surrounds them, gentleness in some, a glow or radiance in others – some might call it an aura – whatever that,’ something’ is, Allyssa Pace sure has it. I’ve known her mother, Christy, since she was a teenager, full of spunk - the epitome of GRITS, (that’s Girls Raised In The South, for the uninformed) and a true Southern beauty. Allyssa Cate faces something that grown men – especially soldiers – have a hard time dealing with. The loss of a limb can be a devastating and life-changing event for them. For Allyssa, it’s a fact of life. Christy and Brandon have two older sons, Boone and Brock, and they are probably the two most loving older brothers I’ve ever seen. They are attentive to their little sister, loving, protective, defensive and encouraging. When Allyssa was born, Christy recalls the doctor approaching her bedside, telling her that something was wrong. “ That was the scariest moment of my life,” she said. The doctor went on to tell them that their baby’s arm didn’t develop. “ That was the first time I’d heard of an Amniotic Band. Those two little words have changed my life.” How often have mother’s everywhere counted ten little toes and fingers…Christy counted only five fingers. For a short time, Christy grieved her worldly ideas of what a daughter should be - then she came to realize that Allyssa was given to them exactly as God intended. “ I feel like I am part of something extraordinary because He chose me to be her momma. God will use my special child and other special children if we allow His spirit to move through us,” she said. As Allyssa grows, her blonde curls and big blue eyes so angelic, and her personality so special and unique, the arm becomes less noticeable to those who know her. She literally bubbles For this child, the world holds untold riches of the heart – people will single her out to be a role model for other children who are special, they will whisper words of encouragement and endearment in her ear - those words will give her confidence and strength. But, in her life, there will be other words – carelessly flung by children who don’t realize their sting and the bitterness they carry. There will always be little girls who flash both arms out in front of her, making it a point to show her the difference, and little boys who will be curious and unaware that they are staring. Kids say the darnedst, meanest, silliest, most obnoxious things, and there will be times when the barbs will be painful, will fill her with sorrow and make her cry. Then again, there will be children who take their arms out of their sleeves so that they can all be more like Allyssa. There will be little boys who realize that she is kinder, sweeter and more patient than some of the rest… and someday, a prince will show up and claim her as his bride. No, Allyssa’s life will not always be easy, there will be burdens sometimes, but it has already begun to build her character, her little eyes are wise beyond their years even at the age of three. She will be the stuff that people like Princess Diana, Mother Theresa and Helen Keller were made of – strong, confident, and ready to take on the world. How do I know this? Well, for one thing, I know her momma. Christy says that if God were to say to her today, “ Christy, I have this one little girl, she’s beautiful, smart, perfect, and all the children will follow her because of her wit and her charm… but she is totally lacking in compassion, her heart is self-absorbed and it will be very difficult for her to understand the struggles of others less fortunate. And I have this other little girl … she looks a little different, the world won’t always think she’s beautiful, she will have a temper like a wildcat but the heart of a servant. She will have the gift of compassion and hospitality - she won’t always finish first, but her heart will be full of sensitivity. Which one do you want? My answer is that no matter what the future brings, I will choose Allyssa every time.” “ Sometimes I have to close my bedroom door, get down on my knees and cry and pray,” Christy confessed.” I can’t think of the words to articulate to the Good Lord, but I feel certain that He knows what’s in my heart. I thank Him for Allyssa just as she is – and I thank Him for giving her two brothers just as they are. I thank Him for the loving, adoring, unconditional eyes they see her through.” “ I ask god to please create a heart and soul that belongs to a boy somewhere that is meant to love her just the same as we do. I ask God to create two loving women that have these same eyes with which to see the hearts of my boys. I ask these things for my children and for all children.” With an attitude like that instilled into her since birth, how can Allyssa fail to thrive and blossom into just what God intended for her? Maybe God, in His infinite wisdom wanted to keep a little part of her for Himself - a tiny hand he could hold close to His heart as he watched her grow. Maybe He has something so special in store for Allyssa that there needed to be some small imperfection to offset the radiance of her star. Whatever it is, Allyssa Cate is most fearfully and wonderfully made, just like all the rest of God’s creations. This story is for all children, especially the ones with, ‘baby arms’ like Allyssa’s, or crooked smiles, funny walks, silly laughs, chubby bellies, or hair and skin that aren’t perfect…it doesn’t matter if it is Cerebral Palsy, or Tay Sachs or Downs Syndrome…no matter if it is a birth mark, a limp, a clouded eye, it just doesn’t matter what the difference is. “ It doesn’t matter what the special circumstance, it hurts when someone else doesn’t see the beauty in our children. This is a heartbreak that parents of these beautiful children will have to deal with, but what God has revealed to me through Allyssa’s time here is that the old saying is true…beauty is as beauty does.” What wondrous lessons we can learn from the people in our lives that have walked through this world in shoes we can never hope to fill…

July 16, 2010

in case anyone from Shriners Hospital is facebookin 2day...remember when u said "allyssa may have trouble putting her hair up in a ponytail"....well you were right she had a little trouble, but after 1hr and 25 min she put my hair in a ponytail all by her sweet little gutsey self...(with one hand tied behind her back). booyah baby! That's how we roll in the Grove.

June 29, 2010

The boys have been seperated from Allyssa all day, i overhear a conversation btwn Brock and Allyssa: Brock says, "Allyssa, you know what?" Allyssa says,"what?" he says, "I forgot how pretty u was since i been gone this mornin, you sure are beautiful..are you always gonna be my girl?" she says, "you got it Brockie." sweet, sweet memories.

I am a chump

It's June and the daylilies are blooming up a storm....they are blooming as if the storms never touched our home, our community, or Mount Hope. Such devastation...such pain...such sadness. yet after the storm comes the calm and the beauty of the daylilies.

April 27, 2011 was a dreadful day. It started out all out of wack. School was delayed 2 hours. Daddy was at work of course but on this particular day I was off. Typically I would have been working, but I had taken the day off. I sent you boys to school because as usual, myself and many others in the community underestimated the seriousness of the instability in our atmosphere. I sent you to school because I wanted to teach an important life lesson to you boys.... I wanted to stress work ethic and responsibility..I wanted to make a small decision that would teach each of you how to be responsible young men... I sent you to school because I wanted to teach you that life goes on and people depend on us to back our ears and go..... i sent you on. we all did. After all, I knew I would be home if the weather took a turn for the worse. I knew I could be there to get you right away. I relied on the school system to release school once the weather said we should. I feel so bad about it now looking back. Why did I do that? It could have been bad...it really could have been bad!.....not that it wasn't devastating enough. I took a chance...and most of us were fortunate...God protected our children...just as he always does. Mount Hope barely survived perish that day...thousands all over the state barely survived perish. Many didn't survive and the hole they left behind will forever be there. Now, those of us that were left behind must ask ourselves..."what can I do today to make my existence and survival here matter?" ....."How can I give more than I take?" I ask you today lord 2 years later as i can only now finally compose myself enough to finish this post....."How can I give more than I take?"

My heart..sitting in the sand